She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
