my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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