I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is my gift to your gina
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
