You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
