the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
