my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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