she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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