Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
