she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
