I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
