You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
