god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
