I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
