We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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