You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
