he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
