Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
