How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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