Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
vagina is talking i cant
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am available for nakedness
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
