i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
