ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
