he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
