Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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