Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
