my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
