her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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