So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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