obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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