Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
