just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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