i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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