this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
