Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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