There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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