oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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