1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it was like eating out sand paper
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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