I love black thongs
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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