you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
