I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
