so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
