I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
