Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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