I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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