garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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