Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
