I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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