She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didn't notice because vodka
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
