I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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