Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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