Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
