So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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