He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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