we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
