Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hippo gnu deer
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
