I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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