It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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