Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
