I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize