I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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