But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
