When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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