Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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