it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
