tell your sister to shave her snatch
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
