BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
