last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
