like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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